Chain Reaction
by Orohime
Summary: The lives of Konoha's chunin are thick with secret crushes, unrequited loves and hormonal lusts. When one pair of shinobi get together it causes a chain reaction in thier ranks. Hearts are broken, wishes are granted and love is found in unexpected place
1. The First Domino Falls

'Damn, doesn't she ever shut up?' wondered the young man as the strawberry-haired girl on his arm nattered endlessly about things that held no interest for him whatsoever. Sasuke Uchiha couldn't stand her most of the time. It wasn't that he disliked Sakura, just that he didn't like her the way she wanted him to like her, and it was annoying as hell to have her constantly hanging all over him the way she insisted on doing. When would she get the hint? Hadn't he said 'no' enough times to discourage her yet?

He sighed inwardly and tuned her out, gazing absently at nothing, wondering how late their sensei would be today and why Naruto wasn't there yet. The idiot was always a bit late but he was unusually so today. Perhaps he had gotten fed up with Kakashi making them wait for hours every day.

He scowled lightly to himself. This wasn't a day to be late. The siblings from Sunakagure, Kankuro, Temari, and Sabaku no Gaara were supposed to be arriving today. Team seven had been given the task of greeting them, of course. As if his life wasn't complicated enough without having to deal with a pervert, a she-male and a psychopath. He would have refused the assignment except that the busty fifth Hokage had specifically ordered them to do it, and Tsunade was scarier than all three of the sand-nin combined.

And so the morning wore on, with Sasuke brooding and occasionally trying to shake Sakura off of him. He met with no success. She was like a fucking barnacle.

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Sakura Haruno was thrilled. Kakashi was late as usual and Naruto was also playing hookie today. She might have been concerned about that, since the annoying blonde was always there, if not on time, but she was too relieved not to have to deal with him asking her out for the umpteenth time and way Way WAY too thrilled that she had Sasuke all alone. She tried her best to engage him in conversation, but everything she said was met with that brooding silence and any question she asked was answered with little more than a disinterested grunt.

She sighed softly to herself. It was always the same. He never paid the slightest attention to her, this handsome, mysterious young man. She was well aware that she hardly knew the Uchiha heir, despite having been his teammate for over six years. All that time she'd been trying, and in all that time he hadn't so much as conceded to have lunch with her! But she wouldn't give up! She was nothing if not persistent. She was positive that one day she would wear him down enough to pull him out of that shell of indifference he wrapped himself in so tightly. Some day…

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Naruto crouched on a tree branch, wrestling with his inner fears. Today would be the day he let his true feelings be known. No more hiding it. He was going to let it all spill out today! If only he could get his legs to work.

The blonde chunin had woken this morning from the usual dreams of his beloved, and when he'd looked at himself in the mirror this morning he'd vowed to his reflection that he would let the whole truth be known on this day, no matter what. He never broke a promise, not even to himself. That was his ninja way. But now that he was faced with it his courage was failing. What if he was laughed at? Or worse, simply ignored? And what would he ever do if the object of his affection actually returned the feeling? It was all so confusing and scary. But he promised, no, he swore! So he would do it. He just had to convince his uncooperative body that it would be best to get it over with as soon as possible.

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Hours later Sasuke was still brooding, Sakura was still clinging to him and Kakashi and Naruto still hadn't shown. The Uchiha heir was beginning to feel concern for the tardiness of his loud teammate. Naruto was never this late. Maybe something had happened to the idiot. Maybe he was sick or had hurt himself. Maybe he was incapacitated to the point that he couldn't move. His worry created an uncomfortable knot in is his stomach.

"Sasuke Uchiha!" The sudden shout startled both of them, but the raven-haired shinobi's worry instantly eased, for he knew that voice like his own. Turning to look he spotted Naruto standing a few feet away. Sasuke was instantly alerted by his body language. The young man's face was set into a determined grimace, his eyes intense as he glared at his teammate. Curiously, his stance was somewhere between aggressive and defensive and there was a sheen of sweat on his skin. Was he issuing a challenge? Then why the defensiveness? Naruto was a bit too bold for his own good and would never shy away from a fight, even when he was sorely outclassed.

"Naruto! Quit screaming!" yelled Sakura. Like she was one to talk. "What's your problem anyway?" Ocean blue eyes flickered to her for just a moment before fixing on the Uchiha heir again.

"Sasuke Uchiha, I want…" he hesitated and a flash of uncertainty crossed his whiskered face.

"What?" prompted Sasuke, his curiosity pricked by his teammate's uncharacteristic behavior. The blonde's jaw clenched and the determined glare returned.

"I want you to have dinner with me!" There was a stunned silence.

"Why?" asked Sasuke when he finally got his voice back.

"I…I want to talk to you about something…" Naruto was tentative again and Sasuke's concern was returning with a vengeance. The blonde was acting very strangely. Something must be wrong, something he felt he couldn't talk about in front of Sakura. But why did he feel he could talk to Sasuke about it? Wasn't he all in love with the kunoichi? Perhaps it was something that would be embarrassing to speak to a girl about.

"Fine, dinner, whatever," he replied.

"Ah, can I come too Naruto?" asked Sakura, seeing a chance to spend an evening with Sasuke.

"No!" the blonde all but shouted. Sakura was so taken aback that she released Sasuke's arm. He took the opportunity to move to the other side of the road while she stood staring in shock with her mouth hanging open. Truthfully Sasuke felt a bit startled by this reaction as well. Naruto had never refused Sakura anything, a fact she mercilessly took advantage of.

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The blonde went to lean against a gatepost and wait. He remained silent and stared fixedly at a spot on the ground. How odd. Sakura thought hard. What could be wrong with the idiot? He was acting completely out of his usual character. He was quiet, still, and he hadn't asked her out, which was like a daily ritual for him or something. The idiot never learned.

A thought struck the pink-haired kunoichi then. Maybe he was going to challenge Sasuke to a fight to the death over her! That could be exciting, but really it was pointless. Even if Naruto won she wouldn't want to date him. He was just so loud and obnoxious, not to mention annoyingly persistent. He just didn't know when to give up. Well, he wouldn't win anyway. He didn't stand a chance against Sasuke. She smirked to herself. It could be fun to watch though. She would follow them and see what was up when their mission was done.

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Naruto couldn't bring himself to look at either of his teammates. He could feel them both staring at him. It would have made the hair at the back of his neck stand up if it wasn't for the nervous sweat making it stick to his skin. He wished the day would hurry up and get over with, but as he watched the shadows move they seemed to do so with infinite slowness.

"Yo!" came a familiar voice.

"Kakashi sensei, you're late!" shouted Sakura, as usual. Naruto stayed as he was, not in the mood to shout at his mentor today. There was a long silence and now he could feel Kakashi staring at him too. Damn! Why couldn't they just get on with it?

"Well, you see there was a signing at the bookstore and I just had to get my copy of Cum Cum Paradise, volume 6 autographed…" said Kakashi at last.

"Oh, er…Hey wait! You know Jiraiya! You could have him sign your stupid books anytime!" protested Sakura, but it sounded half-hearted. There was another long stretch of silence.

"Did something happen that I missed?" Kakashi finally asked. More silence. "Oooookay…I'm going to take that as a yes. Naruto, what's the matter?"

"Nothing!" snapped the blonde, finally losing his temper. "Would you two just be quiet!? I'm trying to think!" And indeed he was. He was thinking furiously, scenarios running through his head of just what he would say, how he would say it and what the probable reactions were. One after another popped up and was discarded by his fevered brain. Soon his creativity found its end and he began replaying the same situations over and over again. It was enough to drive him insane. So it was came as a great relief to hear Sakura's call.

"Look! There they are!" Naruto's stare rose from the dirt at his feet to gaze down the road at the three approaching figures. The sand siblings had finally arrived.

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Sasuke could feel the palpable relief flood from his teammate. His own tension ebbed somewhat as well. The arrival of their guests meant that their duties would be over soon and he would be able to find out what was going on with Naruto. The blonde chunin's strange behavior had him on edge.

As the three chunin from the land of wind drew closer team seven gathered beneath the large wooden gate that marked the west entrance to Konoha. Sasuke managed to refrain from staring, or even glancing at Naruto, though he sorely wanted to grab him and shake the daylights out of him until he spilled whatever was festering in his hyperactive mind.

Once the three visitors reached them Naruto suddenly seemed to be his old self again, loud and laughing, and a little absurd. He greeted the three enthusiastically, especially Gaara whom he seemed to have an inexplicable bond with. That bothered Sasuke. He didn't like Gaara in the least. He was unfriendly, taciturn and glared a lot, which when he looked at it honestly reminded him too much of himself. Plus the redhead was psychotic, held a hostile entity within him and had tried to kill them all at the chunin exams. Even if reports from Suna claimed that he was under control now, even if he hadn't had an 'episode' in six years, Sasuke still didn't trust him, and wasn't pleased with the fact that Naruto acted so friendly toward him.

Unfortunately he couldn't voice those opinions, since this was a diplomatic situation designed to foster trust and friendship between the village hidden in the leaves and the village hidden in the sand. Since the land of wind's feudal lords were contracting out most of their missions to Konoha, which was hurting it's own ninja village, the Hokage had generously invited Suna to send it's best ninja to Konoha to work missions there. Any missions would be assigned fairly with regard to the skills of the chunin in question, and the fees paid for missions done by their ninja would all go to Suna. Konoha was wealthy enough to afford this, and if it worked out they would invite more of Suna's shinobi to participate in this program. It was an excellent solution, since it was the fact that their own leaders were making their village destitute that had led Suna to ally with Orochimaru in his attack against Konoha some years ago.

That meant that these three would be here for an extended period of time, perhaps even permanently. That didn't sit well with Sasuke, but there was nothing he could do about it. He would watch them closely though, and if that red-haired bastard made one wrong move he would take him out. Especially if that move happened to be towards Naruto.

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Sakura was neither pleased nor displeased that the sand-nin would be staying in Konoha. She found Gaara completely creepy and Kankuro was like a young Jiraiya, but she rather liked Temari. They got along well.

"Well, glad to see you made it without any trouble," said Kakashi once the round of greetings was done. "I'll need your input on living arrangements. We've reserved both a house and three separate apartments. It's up to you whether you want to live together or alone. You can take some time to discuss it if you like." The three exchanged quick glances.

"The apartments would suite us fine," replied Temari. "Privacy and all that." Kankuro nodded in agreement.

"Alrighty then, lets show you to your places. You can work it out among yourselves as to who gets what. As the entire group moved along the streets, with Kakashi pointing out important or noteworthy locations, Sakura watched Naruto's behavior carefully. He seemed back to his old self as he chatted incessantly at Gaara, but every once in a while she caught him sneaking a peek at Sasuke with an odd expression in his eyes. Her suspicions that he was getting ready to privately challenge his teammate got stronger and she resolved she would not miss this. Naruto deserved to get his butt kicked for even thinking he could use force to acquire her affection!

"Hey pink, what's up? Why do you keep staring at the loudmouth?" asked Temari, appearing at her shoulder. "I thought you had the hots for succulent Sasuke. You have a change of heart?" Sakura blushed and shook her head.

"No, it's just that Naruto's been acting really weird. He was all kinds of late today and when he did show up he totally blew me off and instead demanded that Sasuke have dinner alone with him. He's up to something. I just can't figure out what."

"So, follow them and find out," replied the blonde kunoichi.

"Way ahead of you sister," chuckled Sakura. "I was already planning on it. Hey, you want to join me? It could be fun to watch if Naruto challenges Sasuke to a duel like I think he is."

"Sure," replied Temari with a casual shrug. "It's not like I have anything better to do, and hanging out with my brothers isn't what I'd call a good time. One has the dirtiest mouth on the planet and the other doesn't say anything at all."

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Naruto didn't entirely forget his problem when the sand sibs arrived, but at least it was a distraction that allowed him to push it to the back of his mind. He was truly happy to see Gaara again. The redheaded shinobi was one of the only people his age that knew he was the vessel that contained Kyuubi, the nine-tailed fox. Gaara was in very nearly the same situation, for within him resided the sand demon Shukaku. It was harder on the taciturn sand-nin, for there was no seal to prevent the malicious spirit from taking control of his body. Only his strength of will kept it in check, and for that reason Gaara could never sleep. And people wondered why he was always temperamental.

There was a certain empathy between the two young men, a level of understanding that would be impossible to replicate with a normal person, because a normal person could never understand what it was like to co-exist with a demon spirit. So they were perfectly comfortable together, with Naruto chattering away and Gaara listening in silence, neither requiring more than this from the other.

The three apartments had been chosen for their nearness to the residences of each member of Team 7. This way they were close to someone who could help them get situated. Gaara was quick to speak for the apartment nearest Naruto, a claim that neither of his siblings cared to dispute. After a small argument with her remaining brother, Temari claimed the one closest to Sakura's house, leaving Kankuro the apartment nearest Sasuke. Once that had been settled Kakashi informed them that they would each be given a generous allowance with which to purchase furnishings. So then it was off to the Hokage's office, where they were greeted and lectured by Tsunade, at the end of which she handed each of the three visitors a hefty pouch of coins.

"You can spend it on what ever you like, but if you spend it on something foolish like hentai magazines," she pinned Kankuro with a firm stare here. "And find yourself without a bed, you'll have to sleep on your floor."

So off the three little groups went. Sakura had no idea where to find the sorts of things they were looking for since her parents had taken care of everything when she moved out. Logically, she took Temari to ask her mom. A wise choice. Sasuke also had no idea where to go. His house had always been furnished, and he'd never seen the need to change anything. He decided it might be best to ask Kakashi. Not so wise a choice. Kakashi was a bachelor after all.

Naruto on the other hand had been fending for himself on a very limited budget since he was very small, so he knew exactly where to go for everything Gaara could need or want, and what was more, he knew where to get the very best prices. The two young men were done with their shopping long before the others were, though a good part of this could also be credited to the fact that Gaara cared little for material things and led a minimalist lifestyle. His purchases were almost exclusively utilitarian. His apartment would have been completely void of decoration if Naruto hadn't prodded him into buying a few items like a nice rug and curtains.

Finding themselves without anything else to do for the moment, since the purchases would be delivered, and in some cases installed, without them needing to supervise, Naruto led his quiet companion to Ichiraku, his favorite ramen shop. He figured that Sasuke would look for him here, if he remembered his commitment at all.

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Sasuke was chomping at the bit as Kankuro took his sweet time selecting what he wanted. In contrast to Gaara, he spent a good deal of money on wall decorations, mostly posters of half-naked girls. When everything was finally taken care of he tried to excuse himself. He was eager to find Naruto, not only because he wanted to find out what was wrong with the young man, but also because he was uncomfortable with the idea of him being alone with Gaara. The loudmouth was likely to say something rude and set the psychopath off. He'd likely get killed. Never mind that he'd managed to defeat Gaara during the chunin exams. That encounter had left him completely drained and unconscious. Sasuke was still sure that it had been sheer luck.

To his dismay Kankuro insisted on tagging along. Sasuke berated himself for mentioning food, since of course the puppet master would be hungry by now. So with the other shinobi in tow he made his way to Naruto's favorite ramen shop. He was relieved to find the blonde was in one piece, as well as in the company of others. Apparently Sakura had possessed the wisdom to track the young man and his red-haired charge down when she and Temari were done with their tasks. At least one of his teammates could be relied upon to display good sense.

"Ah! Sasuke-kun!" cried Sakura, rising as she spotted him. He suppressed a grimace, knowing she was about to fasten herself to his arm. He had reason to be glad Kankuro had come then, for as she passed the brown-haired young man he reached out and slyly cupped her pert bottom. She squealed and whirled on him angrily. "Keep your hands to yourself you bastard!"

Sasuke took the opportunity and slipped past her, sliding into the seat between Naruto and the wall. Sakura looked disappointed, and returned to her seat on the other side of Temari. She looked further disgruntled when she realized that the only seat left for Kankuro was next to her. The puppet master claimed the seat with a grin.

Sasuke ate his meal in silence, trying to assess his blonde teammate's mood and ignore the goings on at the other end of the counter. Naruto seemed to show no sign of his earlier discomfort, though he also seemed to be pointedly ignoring the Uchiha heir, which was a touch annoying. He chattered amiably with Temari over Gaara's head. Not to say that the redhead was excluded from the conversation. He simply didn't input much. Temari was far more talkative than her younger brother. Sakura wasn't included in the conversation by virtue of having to fend off Kankuro's roaming hands. Her shrieks of outrage were almost ear shattering and the curses she spewed at her perverted assailant would make a sailor blush. Sasuke was a little awed. He never suspected Sakura had that kind of vocabulary.

When everyone was done with their meals the six of them paid and stood, milling outside the shop for a few moments while they got things sorted out.

"Anyone wanna cruise the town, pick up chicks, have a few drinks, maybe catch a show?" asked Kankuro.

"Sorry, I have something I have to do. Maybe tomorrow," replied Naruto sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. He shot an unreadable glance at Sasuke.

"Temari and I already have plans," said Sakura. Kankuro brightened until she added, "Girl stuff. Pervs not welcome."

"My time is not my own tonight," put forth Sasuke as the puppet master's eyes turned to him. As the other four dispersed, Kankuro turned a jaded eye on his younger brother, who's turquoise orbs were shifting between the retreating backs of the boys and the girls.

"I can't expect any entertainment from you." Gaara favored him with a cool stare and walked away.

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Sakura and Temari slunk through the shadows, staying far enough behind the two young men that they didn't notice they were being tailed. She could hear what they were saying.

"So what's up? What did you want to talk about?" Naruto was silent for a moment.

"Let's find someplace we won't be over heard," he replied shortly.

"Aren't you being a little paranoid?"

"Shut up!"

The two rounded a corner and the women crept up after them. The two young men were silent for the next three blocks, until suddenly they disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Damn," muttered Sakura. "Clones! They must have noticed us following them."

"Hey, don't give up yet," said Temari with a grin. "I've picked up a few tricks the last few years. We'll definitely find them."

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Naruto was relieved to be away from everyone. Though he'd done his best not to show it, all through dinner he'd been antsy and once Sasuke had shown up he'd just wanted to leave. But he hadn't wanted to seem rude, especially since this was their guest's first night in Konoha. Now though, he almost wished they were still eating, because now he'd have to face Sasuke. He had to do it though, this thing he'd been dreading and craving all day.

"So? You gonna spill or what?" asked Sasuke. He stood a few feet in front of the blonde, slightly slouched, hands shoved in pockets. They were in the forest in a clearing where the moonlight poured down on them, silvering their skin and the knee-high grass. Standing in its pale glow, Sasuke seemed like a sculpture of ebon and argent. Naruto took a deep breath to steady himself.

"Sasuke Uchiha, I…" he began, his voice sounding unnaturally high in his own ears. "I…" He couldn't get the words past the nervous lump in his throat. His stomach churned and his legs shook. He felt too hot and sweat was beading on his skin. "What I mean is…" He felt suddenly dizzy and he clenched his fists, digging nails into his palms, trying to use the pain as a focus. Could he really bring himself to say it with those cool obsidian eyes staring at him like that?

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Sasuke watched his teammate carefully, noting the increase in nervous behavior as he struggled to spit out whatever was on his mind. He was sure the blonde wasn't trying to challenge him again. Naruto wouldn't be acting so anxious if that were all that was going on here. He saw the ocean blue eyes glaze over and for a moment was sure the young man was on the verge of passing out.

"Are you okay?" he asked with concern.

"No, I'm not okay!" shouted the blonde. "But I can't…I…I just…" What could possible be so horrible that he couldn't say it in front of Sakura? That he had such a hard time confessing it to Sasuke?

"Just spit it out, idiot!" said Sasuke in an exasperated tone, though in truth he was more afraid than annoyed.

"Don't call me that, you jerk!"

"Then say what's on your mind!"

"I…"

"I don't have all night, stupid!"

"I'm in love with you, you jackass!" Sasuke rocked back on his heels, completely taken aback. Had Naruto just said…?

"W…what?!"

"I said, I'm in love with you," repeated the blonde in a soft, shaky voice. He wasn't looking at Sasuke anymore, instead staring at the ground so that his face was hidden in shadow, as though he were too embarrassed to make eye contact. His shoulders were slumped defensively and his fist were clenched so hard that his nails had cut his palms and tiny trickles of blood dripped from his knuckles. "I…I just had to …get it off my chest."

Sasuke was momentarily too stunned to respond or even move. All he could do was stare blankly at the top of his teammate's bowed head, his unruly hair a silver-gold halo in the moonlight.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" whispered Naruto after a long moment.

That snapped the Uchiha heir from his stunned state. That was all? He'd been all worked up over this? A heady mixture of relief and incredulity swept through him making him feel giddy. The surge of emotion needed release and it burst out of him in the form of semi-hysterical laughter. He instantly regretted it as Naruto visibly cringed. Without another word the blonde shinobi whirled and took off into the darkness under the trees. There was an arc of sparkles in the moonlight as the force of his movement sent tears flying from his whiskered cheek.

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Sakura and Temari located their quary just as Naruto ran into the night. They hadn't heard anything leading up to that moment except Sasuke's laughter, so they were more than a little surprised and disconcerted to see the blonde fleeing from the Uchiha heir in tears.

"What was that all about?" asked Temari as Sasuke took off after the fox-nin.

"I don't know, but I'm sure as hell gonna find out!" replied Sakura, leaping for the trees.

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"No, wait! Naruto! I didn't mean it like that! Come back here!" shouted Sasuke, pursuing the fleeing chunin. Naruto wasn't inclined to listen, too embarrassed and hurt to face Sasuke at that moment. He'd known all along that the other young man would react that way, was prepared to be laughed at and ridiculed, or so he thought. It had stung far more than he'd expected and before he knew it he'd felt a pair of hot tears slip down his cheeks.

Damn his stupid emotions! Why'd he have to be a baby and cry like that in front of Sasuke? He was sure Sasuke would never let him live his little confession down, but then to weep like a heart-broken maiden? Talk about adding insult to injury. How would he ever face the Uchiha heir again? Now he felt about as large as a worm and wanted nothing more than to crawl under a rock with the other worms, to find a dark quiet hole where he could curl around the aching knot in his chest and be alone with his misery. But that damned Uchiha wouldn't leave it at that, would he?

"Naruto, wait a minute! Come on! Stop already!" called the raven-haired shinobi as he chased the unhappy blonde. What the hell could he want still? Surely even Sasuke wasn't cruel enough to keep rubbing salt in the wound. Why wouldn't he just let him be?

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Sasuke was gaining on the blonde, but far too slowly for his own liking. Naruto could be damn fast when he had proper motivation. If only the fool would stop and listen to him! He shouldn't have laughed. Even though he hadn't meant to be mean, that's the way Naruto's already nervous ears had interpreted the sound. He needed to trip the blonde up or something.

As if the heavens were listening to his thoughts an opening presented itself. Naruto's blurring eyes betrayed him and he caught his toe on a root. To his credit he didn't fall headlong to the ground, but the interruption in his running stride was enough to allow Sasuke to close the distance. As the other shinobi regained his balance Sasuke made a flying leap and crashed into the blonde's back, bearing him to the ground beneath his superior weight. It was the only way he was going to get the stubborn fool to hold still and listen. Naruto instantly began to fight, thrashing and kicking in an attempt to dislodge his attacker.

"Get off me you bastard!" he yowled angrily. "You've had your fucking fun, now let me be!"

"I didn't mean to – oof!" An elbow caught Sasuke in the stomach, rendering his words into an unintelligible grunt. Another cracked him in the cheekbone hard enough to make him see flashes. He lost his patience all at once and grabbed the chunin by his blonde hair, roughly pulling his head backwards. As Naruto's scowling, tear-streaked face came into range he crushed his lips against the other's mouth.

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Sakura saw the tackle and silently cheered. This was what she'd been waiting for, the fight! Though something about it was already bothering her. She didn't understand why Sasuke had pursued the blonde. It wasn't his style. It was Naruto who was always barking for a fight. Sasuke usually couldn't be made to care, and certainly never issued a challenge or went after a confrontation. Now the two were struggling, Naruto shouting, and it looked more like a catfight than a battle between trained shinobi. Then Sasuke's mouth met Naruto's. They both went shock still and Sakura was reminded of the accidental kiss in the classroom the day they had all become genin. Surely it was another accident. The way they had been struggling, all disorganized like a pair of flailing children, it wasn't unthinkable that it could happen again right?

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Naruto froze in shock. Sasuke was…was…was this for real? Or had he smacked his head when he fell and was now dreaming? Neither moved for several long moments, not even to breath. Naruto stared up at the handsome face so close to his, the eyes closed so that the ebon lashes merged into a thick arc. Naruto was torn between being enchanted and shoving the other away, certain that he was being teased. Sasuke was making fun of him, fucking with his head. Surely that was it. But it was so nice to feel those warm lips against his, those strong arms clutching him a bit awkwardly, but closely. It wouldn't hurt to just pretend for a few more seconds, pretend that it was real…

Then those ebon orbs opened and looked him directly in the eye. With an almost challenging look Sasuke slipped his tongue between Naruto's slack lips. Naruto's sky-blue eyes widened as he felt the slick muscle probe his tongue, caressing the roof of his mouth. He closed his eyes and kissed back, losing himself in the feel and scent and taste of Sasuke Uchiha.

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Finally! The blonde finally stopped struggling, and once Sasuke boldly slipped him the tongue he relaxed and closed his eyes, melting into the Uchiha heirs arms. The young man wouldn't get away again, oh no. He was Sasuke's now. He would never let anyone else touch the adorable blonde.

He broke away and shifted, manhandling Naruto out of the awkward position they were in until he had the blonde on his back in the dirt and was pressed atop him, taking up the kiss where he'd left off.

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Sakura continued believing it was just an accident, until Sasuke gently laid his teammate down and kissed him again. Her delusions couldn't stand up to that sort of evidence. She remained frozen in shock, her eyes seeing her MALE teammates making out far below her, but her brain chasing itself in circles.

Sasuke kissing Naruto kissing Sasuke kissing Naruto kissing Sasuke…

A sound from beside her finally drew her mind from its loop. Her head slowly craned to the side until she was looking at Temari. She'd completely forgotten the blonde kunoichi was with her. The wind mistress was snickering into her hand. She caught Sakura's open-mouthed stare and couldn't hold it back any longer. Her laughter burst forth like a gale.

"WAHAHAHA!!! You call that a duel? Unless you're talking about their tongues! Or maybe they'll be SWORD fighting in a minute! AHAHAHAH!!!" Of course her outburst had not gone unnoticed by the pair of chunin below them. They were on their feet, glaring up at her when Sakura looked back.

"What are you doing here?" asked Sasuke coolly.

"Wha-? What do you mean what am I doing?!" Sakura's rage was boiling up. Her inner self was screaming for Naruto's blood. "What do you think you two are doing? Boys aren't supposed to kiss each other!"

"Damn, are you sheltered or what?" muttered Temari.

"That's none of your business," replied Sasuke. Naruto was just blushing and looking at the ground, but he wore a huge grin.

"Naruto!!!" snarled Sakura. She leapt down from the tree to stand directly in front of the blonde. "You! What the hell is the matter with you?! Why are you doing this?! Is this some sort of twisted revenge for me turning you down all those times you asked me out?"

"Ah…actually Sakura, I never really wanted to go out with you," said Naruto nervously.

"Huh!? Then why…?"

"Because I knew you'd always say no." Sakura blinked, stunned for a moment by this revelation.

"You mean…all this time you've been using me as a cover to hide…" She glanced at Sasuke, who also seemed surprised at this.

"Well…yeah," admitted the blonde hesitantly, peeking up at her through thick eyelashes. Sakura was suddenly struck by shocking revelation. All this time she'd known the obnoxious blonde, all the many times he'd asked her on dates, and she had never realized how adorable he was. Until he didn't want her anymore…

Is that my MO? she wondered. Do I only want what I can't have? She scowled, suddenly remembering she was pissed off. Adorable or not this little twerp was trying to muscle in on her man! She wouldn't stand for it.

"Na-ru-to…" she growled cracking her knuckles. "Sasuke is mine! Don't you dare try to-!" She had cocked back her arm in preparation to pound the little creep into the ground, but a firm grip on her wrist made her stop dead.

"Don't do it Sakura. You'll regret it if you do," said the Uchiha heir coldly, his eyes like black chips of ice as he glared at her over her trapped limb. In that moment Sakura's heart broke.

In all the years she had been chasing him, in all the times he'd rejected her he'd never looked cold. Disinterested, annoyed, bored, and beleaguered sure, but he'd never treated her like this. She couldn't ignore that expression. He meant business, he was protecting the one he loved, and there was nothing she would ever be able to do to change his mind. She let her arm go limp and he let go as he felt the release of tension. Turning without a word, the strawberry-haired kunoichi walked away from her dreams.

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Naruto watched the woman walk away with a dull ache in his heart. He hadn't wanted to hurt Sakura. She was still one of his closest friends after all. That's one of the reasons he'd wanted to keep this a private confession.

"Sakura," he called after her. She paused and turned slightly, not enough that he could see her face, just enough to show she'd heard and was listening. "I'm…sorry," he said lamely, feeling like a heel. She turned a little more so he could see her profile and smiled slightly, briefly, her eyes hidden by her hair, then she continued out of sight.

"Man if I'd known this was going to deteriorate into a drama fest I would have gone with Kankuro to ogle girlies," complained Temari, still in the tree. "You two can go back to sucking face. I'm outta here." She invoked a jutsu and disappeared in a gust of wind.

Naruto felt Sasuke's strong arm encircle his waist and his chest press against his back. Lips caressed his neck and he sighed in pleasure. Sasuke certainly wasn't wasting any time.

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Next: Now that Sakura's dreams have been crushed, who's arms will she find comfort in? And what will poor Hinata do when she finds out her sweet Naruto is no longer on the market?


	2. The Second Domino Falls

Sakura sat with her head in her arms atop the bar's polished surface. She'd thought about drowning her woes in alcohol, but she'd never been a heavy drinker and after three Konoha Kickers (picture long island ice tea with Rumplemintz instead of Triple Sec) she was feeling ill and her head was spinning.

"It's all right Sakura, everything will work out, you'll see," soothed Ino, rubbing her friend's back. Empty words. Ino was sincerely trying to make her feel better, she knew, but the blonde kunoichi wasn't really helping much. The news hadn't hit Ino nearly as hard. She'd had the good sense to give up on Sasuke years ago. Sakura dearly wished she'd done the same. She wouldn't be drunk and depressed right now.

How could she not have noticed? All this time and Sasuke had been about as straight as a willow in a high wind. And she hadn't noticed. It wasn't as if the signs weren't there, obvious to anyone who cared to look. He never looked at any of the women who pursued him. The one person who could get any kind of reaction, positive or negative out of him was his MALE rival/teammate. How could she have been so blind?

Because she hadn't wanted to see. She had been so determined to live in her little fantasy world that she had refused to see the reality of the situation. She had set herself up for this pain, she knew. It was no one's fault but her own.

-------------------------------------------

Ino continued to rub Sakura's slender back in her most comforting manner, murmuring words of condolence and trying to look sad for her friend. In truth she was ecstatic. She'd been waiting for this to happen for years. Of course, she had figured out Sasuke was gay ages ago and given up, but she had never had the heart to tell Sakura that fact. She wasn't even sure the pink-haired shinobi would have believed her anyway.

But ever since she had given up her obsession with Sasuke she'd quickly acquired a new crush. Once her vision had become Uchiha-free Ino had come to realize how beautiful and sweet her best friend really was. And Sakura was a much more attainable goal than Sasuke.

Ino wasn't cruel enough to actively ambush the other kunoichi's efforts to win the Uchiha heirs affections. Besides she knew it was doomed to failure. Eventually, Sakura would see the light, her dreams would shatter and Ino would be there to pick up the pieces. All she had to do was wait. So she had, very patiently, let it be added. And now the day she'd anticipated for so long was here!

Now all she had to do was help Sakura over the pain of rejection and then make her see what a wonderful, caring and beautiful best friend she had. And if the pink-haired woman had objections to being with another female, well, Ino could wear her down into trying it out, and once she'd had her way with Sakura once the other girl wouldn't want her to stop.

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"…And they weren't dueling, they were making out!" finished Temari with a laugh, after regaling her brothers with the tale of last night's events. Rock Lee's ears burned where he was sitting a few feet away. He couldn't believe what he was hearing! Sasuke and Naruto were paired? And Sakura had witnessed this? Oh, how his beloved must ache right now!

He stood quickly, not bothering to listen to Kankuro's response to his sister's story. He had to find Sakura! She would need someone to comfort her, a friendly shoulder to cry on. Lee was determined to be that shoulder. He knew his beloved Sakura didn't return his affections, and that the loss of Sasuke probably wouldn't change that. But none of those facts changed his intense feelings for the woman. He would do anything he could to help Sakura, even if that meant being 'just friends' for the rest of their lives.

-----------------------------------------

Sakura hiccupped and sniffled a little. She was surprised she hadn't cried yet. She wanted to, gods knew she did. But they wouldn't come. It was like the pain in her chest was too great even for tears to express it. Ino continued to try to sooth her. Sakura appreciated her efforts, but her presence kept reminding her what an idiot she was. Ino had realized what was up long ago. That was obvious now. Sakura felt like a stupid little girl next to her blonde friend. She wished she would just go away and leave her to her misery. Maybe if she was alone she could cry it all out. It was probably her pride that wouldn't let her shed those tears. She wished Ino would quit rubbing her back. She knew the other woman was trying to help, but the rocking motion was making her feel queasy.

"Sakura-san!" cried a familiar voice from nearby. She lifted her spinning head but her eyes registered nothing but a green blur.

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Ino looked up at the cry of Sakura's name and glared at Lee, hoping he would get the message and go away. The last thing she needed was interference from the love-sick taijutsu master. But Lee wasn't paying any attention to her whatsoever. His large, dark eyes were glued exclusively to Sakura. He slid into the seat next to Sakura as she slowly raised her head and peered at him blearily.

"Sakura-san, I am so sorry," he said earnestly. Ino rolled her eyes.

"Lee, now isn't a good time…" she began, trying to chase him away.

"No, s'okay, Eenooo," slurred Sakura. "Leees jus tryin ta…ta…" she paused and swayed a bit, then leaned over and vomited right on Lee's feet. He winced slightly, but to his credit he didn't freak out. He calmly reached forward and gathered Sakura's pink hair up to keep it out of her face and out of the mess, and patiently waited for her to finish. She spewed and dry heaved for a few minutes, then finally raised her head above the bar again. Ino was feeling a bit ill just from the sight and smell, but she was determined that if Lee could handle it so could she.

"I think it would be best if Ino took you home now," suggested the young man gently. '_Now you're talking, bushy-brows!_' thought Ino triumphantly. Thank goodness Lee was a gentleman.

Sakura stared at him for a second, then her lip began to tremble and her eyes crinkled up. The next moment she had flung herself against his strong chest and was bawling hysterically on his broad shoulder.

"Oh, L-lee! 'M ssso s-stupid! C-can't b-believe S-sasukes g-gay!" she wailed between sobs.

A surge of irrational jealousy welled up in Ino's chest as she watched Lee gently pat Sakura's back, but it died as she saw his lip begin to tremble as well and tears begin to well up in his eyes. Gods, he loved Sakura so much he felt her pain as deeply as she did. Ino suddenly felt small and unworthy, and deeply ashamed that she had ever been happy Sasuke had broken Sakura's heart.

Ino rose and patted Sakura on the head one last time.

"You should take her home Lee," she said.

"I am not sure that is a good idea, Ino" he replied hesitantly. Such a gentleman!

"Sure it is. She would want you to. And she could be in no better company." She gave him a reassuring smile and walked away.

Ino wasn't blind or stupid. If she was she would be in the same position as Sakura was right now. No, Ino could see when she was beaten, knew when she didn't have a chance and was wise enough to know when to give up.

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Lee wasn't sure he agreed with Ino on the matter of taking Sakura home but as the blonde kunoichi retreated he saw no other option. So he waited for Sakura to calm down a bit and once again suggested that it was time for her to go home. She agreed with a mute nod against his neck. He helped her up but quickly found she was unable to stand by herself for more than a few seconds. He scooped her up and carried her instead. On the way to her apartment, instead of crossing the bridge he waded thru the shallow river, using the opportunity to wash off his feet so he wouldn't track sick into her apartment.

Once they reached her place he managed to shimmy open the door without dropping his beautiful burden and carried her inside. He lay the groaning woman on her bed then fetched a wet cloth and glass of water, cleaned the remaining sick from her face and coaxed her to drink the water, knowing it would help with her hangover the next day if she re-hydrated a bit now. He took off her shoes and laid a blanket over her, then bit her softly good-night.

"W-wait!" Sakura's hand shot out and her fingers latched onto the front of his shirt, pulling him back down onto the bed. "Don' leaf Leee," she muttered. "Stay wif me, peassse."

"That is not a good idea, Sakura-san," said Lee nervously.

"No, don' goooo!" She clawed her way up his chest and locked her arm around his neck. "Don' leaf me alone! Promiz!"

"But, Sakura-san," he protested.

"PROMIZ!" her shout nearly took out his right eardrum and her arms tightened, threatening to cut off his breathing.

"Okay, okay! I promise, Sakura-san!" he gasped in a strangled voice.

"Good," she sighed, relaxing enough to allow him to breath again.

Lee leaned against the wall, Sakura draped against his chest, her forehead pressed against the side of his neck. He was relieved that she didn't try to get any friendlier than this. He desperately wanted her affection, but not when she was dead-drunk. After a while she dropped into a fretful sleep and he was able to shift her to a lying position again and disentangle her arms. He went to sprawl on the couch, kicking off his wet shoes. He'd promised he would stay, but he hadn't said anything about staying in her bed. He was far too much of a gentleman to feel comfortable in that situation.

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Sakura woke the next morning to a painful, rhythmic throbbing in her head. It felt like a very large man was trapped inside her skull and was trying to pound his way out with a very large steel hammer. Her body ached, she was excruciatingly thirsty, her eyes were scratchy, puffy and blurred and her mouth tasted absolutely foul. She groaned softly and slowly, very slowly levered herself into a sitting position. Every motion sent new waves of agony cascading across her brain. As she shuffled slowly to the bathroom, she vowed silently that she would never-ever-ever-ever-ever drink herself stupid again. She emptied her bladder, which was a huge relief. It was so full she was surprised she hadn't pissed herself in her sleep. It would have served her right for acting like a fool. She couldn't even remember how she'd gotten home. She didn't remember a thing past the second Konoha Kicker.

At the thought of the minty drink a wave of nausea swept through her and she fell to her knees to retch into the toilet, thankful she had already flushed. '_Praying to the porcelain god_,' she thought and would have chuckled if bile hadn't been rushing in a burning stream from her throat.

A pair of warm hands swept her hair back from her face and she felt briefly startled, but couldn't lift her head to see who it was just yet. '_Probably Ino,_' she thought, remembering that the blonde kunoichi had been with her last night. While she heaved and coughed the nimble fingers efficiently tied her hair back, then she heard the tap turn and water run briefly into a vessel. Her medicine cabinet clicked open and there was a rattle of pills. When she finally felt she could remove her face from the white bowl without danger of puking on the floor she raised her head to see her benefactor crouched next to her, offering her a tall glass of water with one hand and a pair of painkiller tablets with the other.

"Lee?" she croaked, rubbing her gritty eyes.

"Take this asprin, Sakura-san," he said softly, as though aware that loud noises hurt at the moment. "And drink as much water as you can, then go back to bed." That sounded like excellent advice, so she took the proffered items and swallowed them, draining the entire glass. Lee continued to refill the glass until her raging thirst abated, then supported her back to her bed and tucked her gently in.

"Did you bring me home last night, Lee?" she asked as she settled in, her voice grating harshly through her raw throat. He nodded solemnly. "Thanks," she murmured as her heavy eyes closed again.

"You are very welcome Sakura-san. It was no problem at all," he replied, gently stroking her fringe back from her face. As she drifted off she felt warm lips press to her forehead and thought she heard him whisper, "I would do anything for you, Sakura-san." But it would have been a dream.

---------------------------

"Did I really hurl on his feet?" groaned Sakura. Ino chuckled a bit cruelly.

"Yep, and he just held your hair back and let you do it." They were sitting in the teahouse sipping steaming mugs of chamomile tea. Sakura's eyes were still a bit puffy and she had dark rings under them, but she seemed not to be too worse for wear.

"Why'd you let him take me home anyway?" asked Sakura curiously.

"Well you were crying all over his shoulder, something you didn't seem inclined to do with me, so I figured you would prefer his company. Besides it would have been awkward, two of us trying to manhandle you into your apartment." Ino was still feeling a bit put out by Sakura's choice of Lee's shoulder over hers and allowed it to show.

"Sorry Ino," sighed Sakura. "Truth is you made me feel kind of dumb last night. Not that I didn't deserve it, mind."

"What? How'd I do that? I never did anything to make you feel stupid!" replied Ino indignantly.

"Not anything you did, just being there," corrected Sakura hastily. "I mean, you had the smarts to leave Sasuke well enough alone years ago…"

"Oh," said Ino, mollified. "Well, it just shows how much more strongly you felt about him, that's all."

"Or how much more stubborn and foolish I was," retaliated Sakura with a touch of humor. Ino was glad that her pink-haired friend was able to laugh about it even a little bit. They sipped their tea quietly for a few minutes. "How did you know Lee wouldn't…_**do**_ anything," asked Sakura after a while.

"Oh please, there isn't a guy that's politer or more respectful that Lee in all of Konoha. He's the absolute last person who would take advantage of a drunk woman." She hesitated a moment the added quickly, "No matter how much he wants to be with her."

Sakura favored her with a level stare. "Just what are you trying to say?"

"Oh, come on, Sakura. Lee is one of the sweetest people I know, and he loves you so damn much it's almost painful to watch. So what if his eyebrows are thick. You could always get him to wax them or something." Sakura choked on her tea. "Now that Sasuke is definitely out of the picture, why don't you give Lee a chance? You could do a hell of a lot worse."

Ino left it at that, knowing if she pushed the issue Sakura would dig in her heels. That was just the sort of stubborn person she was. The pink-haired woman stared absently out the window as she considered this.

"Yeah, I think I will," said Sakura finally. '_I hope you appreciate this bushy-brows,_' Ino thought. '_She could have been mine._'


	3. The Third Domino Falls

"…And they weren't dueling, they were making out!"

Hinata Hyuuga felt a stab in her chest. She had started eaves dropping on the sand-nin's conversation because it involved Naruto and anything that involved Naruto was interesting to her. At the beginning she had thought it was about her crush getting in a fight. She had thought perhaps she could take the opportunity to bring him some healing salve, and maybe talk to him. She might even be lucky enough to apply the salve and bandage the wounds herself! She hadn't expected the story to end like that.

The blonde kunoichi from Sunakagure laughed raucously. What was her name? Hinata knew it, but at that moment she couldn't remember it, and didn't really care. Her poor brain was overloading. Her sweet Naruto was in love with Sasuke Uchiha! Hinata's fragile little heart throbbed painfully in her chest, feeling much like it had after she'd fought with Neji in the chunin exams. Only, this time the gentle fist wasn't the cause of the horrible ache.

The dark-haired girl rose unsteadily to her feet and left the teahouse. She staggered a bit as she walked slowly in a random direction. She didn't even know where she was going, just that she had to get away.

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Kiba Inuzuka watched Hinata with concern as Temari finished her 'funny' story. The dog-nin had been aware of his teammate's crush since the chunin exams years ago. The way she blushed whenever that loudmouth Naruto spoke to her or even looked at her. The way she couldn't form a coherent sentence when she spoke to him. The way she would peer at him from around corners when he wasn't aware she was there. She was so shy it was painful to watch.

Kiba thought she was the sweetest thing in the world. He would have given anything to be in Naruto's shoes. But the loud blond had always remained clueless of Hinata's feelings, just as Hinata remained clueless to Kiba's.

Now poor little Hinata's sweet heart was breaking and it broke Kiba's heart to watch. At the same time though he felt happy. Maybe now the pretty Hyuuga heir would notice him.

"Are you okay?" he asked as Hinata rose unsteadily from their table. She didn't seem to hear him at all, seemed to totally forget that he was there. Instead she gazed fixedly at nothing and tottered out the door. Kiba exchanged a worried glance with Shino Aburame, who sat near at hand, silent and mysterious as always. The dog-nin then had a small argument with himself over whether he should follow Hinata. This was a somewhat private matter for the Hyuuga girl. She'd never actually confided her feelings to her teammates, they had just guessed. But in her state she could hurt herself, so shouldn't he go make sure she was safe? On the other hand she probably wanted to be alone. But still, she might need someone to comfort her.

"Are you going to go after her?" asked Shino in his quiet manner as Temari passed their table on her way out. Kiba fidgeted for a moment.

"I feel like I should but I don't want to intrude…" he said hesitantly.

"Do as your heart tells you," murmured the Aburame heir. Kiba nodded gratefully and leaped to his feet.

--------------------------------

Temari watched the reactions of those in the teahouse as she finished her story. She was well aware the information would cause a fuss of some kind and relished being the spark that lit the tinder. She had purposely chosen this setting, a popular establishment with the chunin of Konoha, and the time as well, when it was crowded with those who might be effected by her 'casual' revelation.

"Huh, never figured that stuck-up Uchiha to swing that way," muttered Kankuro. "Otherwise I might have had a go at him myself." Temari chuckled again. Gaara just shifted slightly, his impassive face betraying nothing.

Further down the bar a young man stood suddenly. Temari recognized the thick eyebrows and green garments of Rock Lee. It was hard to forget him when her younger brother had nearly killed him during the chunin exams. She gauged his expression as he turned and headed for the door at a brisk pace. Worried and cautiously hopeful. So someone he liked would be adversely affected. Oh, right. He had a thing for Sakura. He was surely off to find and console the pink-haired girl. Temari silently wished him luck. With those eyebrows he'd need. She supposed it could be worse though. He could be like her little brother and have no eyebrows at all.

Motion from a table near the door drew her attention next. Wasn't that the young Hyuuga girl? The one that was always stuttering and blushing for Naruto? Yes, that was definitely her. She didn't look so good. Her expression was downright tragic and she seemed unsteady on her feet as she exited the teahouse. Temari pursed he lips thoughtfully. She hardly knew anything about the girl except that she was painfully shy. She'd heard others claim Hinata possessed an exquisitely sweet personality though. The wind mistress felt a momentary pang of guilt that the shy girl was taking the news so badly. She brushed the feeling away quickly though. She hadn't forced Uchiha and Uzumaki to swap spit. She'd just been the messenger.

"I'll catch you guys later," she said as she pushed off from the bar, suddenly determined to catch up with the pretty Hyuuga heir. Kankuro gave her a speculative look. Gaara ignored her. She didn't care what they thought really. She passed Hinata's teammates on her way out.

"Are you going to go after her?" asked one. The other looked fretful and anxious.

'_Oh, no you don't dog-boy,_' thought Temari quickening her pace as she rounded the doorframe and caught sight of Hinata's back. '_This little one is __**my**__ prey_!'

-------------------------------

Hinata wasn't sure how long she stumbled along alone. It could have been years or only seconds. She wasn't even aware of the sound of running feet until someone fell in right next to her.

"Hey, why the sad face Hina-chan?"

Hinata turned her head slowly to look at the newcomer. The small part of her mind that was coherent expected Shino or Kiba or both to have come after her. But instead walking next to her with an inviting smile was the blonde kunoichi from the Land of Wind. What was her name? Oh yeah. Temari. What did she want?

"Are you okay?" persisted the other woman when Hinata failed to respond.

"No…" whispered Hinata, not sure what else to say. Temari's face showed concern and sympathy, two things that Hinata's dazed mind found welcome at that moment. The fan-wielding ninja gently grasped her hand and tugged her in a new direction.

"Come on, lets find someplace quiet and you can tell me all about it."

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Kiba ran out into the street just in time to see Temari grab Hinata's hand and begin to draw her along the street. Damn! Trust someone to interfere when he needed time alone with Hinata. And what the hell did that scary broad want with the Hyuuga girl anyhow? Did they even know each other? Kiba had never heard Hinata speak of Temari, so he was inclined to believe they didn't. That confused the dog-nin. Why was blonde kunoichi suddenly so interested in Hinata?

Unable to decide what to do for several long moments he stood there fidgeting restlessly until the women rounded a corner and were lost from sight. Akamaru poked his small white head out of his jacket and gave a yip.

"Yeah you're right. I can always talk to her tomorrow." Kiba turned and re-entered the teahouse. As he made to sit down he changed his mind suddenly, having spotted Temari's brothers still sitting at the bar eating sweet-bean dumplings. He moved toward them, deciding it couldn't hurt to ask. Gaara scared him witless, but Kankuro was approachable enough despite being an ass most of the time.

"Hey, puppet-dude. I have a question." Kankuro turned to look at him narrowly.

"And I should care?" he snorted.

"No, but I'm gonna ask anyway." The puppet master gave him the once-over with his eyes, then shrugged his broad shoulders.

"Fine, ask."

"Why'd your sister follow Hinata-san when she left? Are they friends or something?" From the other side of his older brother Gaara snorted softly, his expression becoming faintly amused, though he wasn't inclined to actually look at the dog-nin. Kankuro grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief and a hint of maliciousness.

"Oh, she's probably looking to get laid," he replied casually. Kiba felt his jaw drop in shock. No way! Temari was a lesbian? "Eh, don't look so horrified, dog-boy," said Kankuro, clapping him on the shoulder hard. "Temari will take very good care of your little friend."

"Shit!" he gasped and bolted out the door again. He had to find them and get Hinata away from the other woman. That bitch was going to take advantage of the Hyuuga's fragile state of mind! Kiba couldn't allow it. He barreled down the street and around the last corner he had seen them turn and surveyed the street, panting lightly. No sign of them. "Akamaru!" he growled. "Track down Hinata!" The little white dog yipped in confirmation and jump down to sniff around the ground. He led Kiba at a run through a dozen twists and turns, then suddenly stopped with a growl of confusion. They were back in front of the teahouse!

"Crap," snarled the Inuzuka, realizing what must have happened. Temari must have known he would follow and laid a false trail.

"Loose something?" Kiba whirled. Kankuro and Gaara were just coming out of the teahouse. The younger brother ignored the other two completely and continued on his way. The older stayed to gloat for a while.

"Where did they go?!" demanded the dog-nin angrily.

"How the fuck should I know?" replied the puppet master casually. "But I will tell you it's useless to keep trying. When Temari doesn't want to be found not even the sharpest nose could track her down." He cast an amused glance at Akamaru who was sniffing in circles. Kiba sagged helplessly against the wall. All he could do now was wait and see.

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Temari wasn't dumb enough to think Hinata's dog-loving teammate wouldn't try to follow them, so the first thing she did when they were out of sight was perform a wind jutsu that laid a false trail. A miniature whirlwind spun around them for a moment, collecting their scent, then it spun away laying the scent down as it went. Hinata was so out of it that she didn't even notice. Of course, Temari had been counting on that.

Eventually they reached Temari's newly furnished apartment. She guided the white-eyed young woman inside and sat her down on the couch, then made her a steaming mug of hot chocolate. Comfort food at its best.

"So, I guess you must be all broken up about Naruto and Sasuke," opened the blonde as she sat down next to Hinata, slightly facing her with one leg curled beneath her body. Hinata's lip began to tremble.

"I…I always knew…that he didn't…" The brunette stopped and sniffed hard as twin tears slipped from her pale eyes and made tracks down her miserable face. She bit her bottom lip, trying to keep her sorrow in check. Temari wouldn't have any of that. Better to purge it all now. She didn't want the other girl sobbing while they were getting it on later. She would much rather she was screaming her name.

"Go ahead and cry," she murmured soothingly. "It's not healthy to hold it in you know. And I promise I won't tell anyone." Hinata didn't need any more encouragement than that. She began to sob softly, the tears dripping from her chin into the forgotten cup of cocoa. Temari deftly removed the mug from the Hyuuga's hands and drew the distraught girl's head to her shoulder. She allowed the heart-broken Hyuuga to cry herself out, and her shoulder was thoroughly damp before she was done. Finally, once Hinata had done no more than sniffle for several long minutes, she pulled away from the wind mistress.

"Th-thanks Temari-san," she murmured, rubbing at her puffy, reddened eyes. Temari caught her wrist to stop this action.

"Don't rub, you'll just irritate them. Splash with cold water. It's soothing."

"Oh, o-okay," responded the brunette, flushing slightly. She got up and crossed to the bathroom to do as the other chunin had suggested. After a few moments of splishing she returned, patting her face dry with a small towel, all traces of tears miraculously vanished.

"H-how did you know that, Temari-san?" she asked shyly. "Surely a tough person like you doesn't c-cry."

"From living in the desert," chuckled the wind mistress. "You get sand in your eyes all the time."

"Oh, I see. Y-yes, that makes sense." She fell silent then, and began compulsively folding and unfolding the towel in her lap. "D-did you r-really see them, Temari-san?" she asked finally, peeking up at the lounging blonde through long dark lashes. "K-kiss, I mean."

Temari nodded and Hinata's face fell again. Temari retrieved the cocoa and returned it to the other girl.

"Drink, it'll make you feel better." Hinata nodded and obeyed, taking a long pull of the warm sweet beverage that drained the glass and left a line of froth across her upper lip. "Forget Naruto," continued the wind mistress, eyeing the tempting moustache. The Hyuuga girl was really quite adorable. "He doesn't see you for what you truly are. I, on the other hand, see you clearly." Hinata blinked at her with mild confusion as the blonde kunoichi leaned a bit closer and finished the thought. "And what I see is quite beautiful."

Hinata's pale eyes widened in surprise as Temari closed the gap between them and captured her lips, sensuously licking away the chocolaty foam than resided there. She made a small sound in the back of her throat as Temari's tongue slowly slid between her slightly parted lips and began to explore the inside of her mouth.

For several long minutes, Temari just kissed her, waiting for the other girl to either push her away or respond in kind. Finally Hinata seemed to recover from her shock and began to kiss her back, clutching at her shoulders almost desperately. Temari hid a self-satisfied grin by moving her mouth to Hinata's neck. The heart-broken were so vulnerable, and the vulnerable were so easy to seduce!

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Hinata had felt so much better after a good cry, and once she'd washed her face it had no longer felt sore and too hot. She was feeling quite warm toward Temari at the moment. She had never really talked to the woman before, and had always thought she was rather harsh, but the wind mistress was remarkably sympathetic. She was caught between shock and gratification when Temari had called her beautiful and was totally unprepared when the blonde woman had kissed her.

She'd frozen, her mind unable to quickly process this latest shock so soon after recovering from the Naruto/Sasuke issue. Her mind gibbered in circles for what seemed like a small eternity, shouting that girls weren't supposed to kiss other girls, and she barely knew this person, and what about Naruto?!

'_Naruto is probably kissing Sasuke right now_,' whispered a tiny part of her mind that had managed to retain rationality. '_And if he can kiss another man, why can't you kiss another woman?_'

'_But I still don't know her very well_!'

'_Does it really matter? It might be better that way anyway_.'

The two factions in her head argued like this for a while and the protesting one put up a good fight to be sure, but eventually the calm rational voice won out. Emotion welled in Hinata's chest, a desperate desire to be wanted. She found herself clutching the other woman to her fiercely as her lips began to tentatively respond.

Temari dropped her lips to her neck and laid a hot trail of kisses from her jaw to collarbone. Fire spread outward from the contact, rushing through her chest to strike hard at her groin. The brunette arched and moaned. The sound of her own voice making such sounds was so unfamiliar she felt herself blush in embarrassment. She blushed even more fiercely as the wind mistress' hands slid up beneath her shirt, but she didn't stop her.

-----------------------------------

Kiba wanted to punch Kankuro right about now. The puppet master had taken something like pity on him and taken him out to get drunk, but that turned out to be a curse more than a blessing. The other ninja couldn't seem to stop rubbing it in that Hinata was with Temari right now. And he was being way to descriptive for Kiba's liking. If he said the words 'lick' and 'clitoris' in the same sentence one more time…

-------------------------------

Temari was enjoying herself thoroughly. Hinata might be woefully inexperienced, but she was exquisitely responsive, and Temari could imagine the fun she would have teaching the Hyuuga girl everything she knew about sex.

She'd gotten the brunette out of her shirt and was currently paying homage to a pair of excellent breasts. Full, soft, and perky, with perfectly suckable nipples. Temari though it was a shame the other woman hid such a killer figure beneath loose-fitting clothing. Must be a confidence issue. She'd have to work on that. It would be amusing to see eyes pop as Hinata walked down the streets of Konoha in a tight, low-cut tank-top.

Eventually Temari trailed her mouth along the other woman's stomach and began working at the fastenings of her pants. The Hyuuga girl was panting and sweaty, writhing beneath the blonde enticingly. Temari was pretty sure she had orgasmed at least once while she was having her nipples nibbled. She was completely out of her mind with pleasure. The wind mistress could probably do _**anything**_ to her right now.

Taking advantage of Hinata's jello-like state, she divested the girl of the rest of her clothes before she could come to her senses and suffer a bout of virgin's guilt. She scooted down and hooked the other woman's knees over her shoulders, then slid a finger into her opening. She was delightfully wet, hot and tight around the digit.

Temari buried her nose in the soft patch of hair that resided between those firm thighs. Hinata tasted sweet and her gentle scent only turned the wind mistress on more. She found the small bump of sensitive flesh that was her target and began to alternately swirl her tongue in circles and flick it back and forth. Hinata's thighs clamped against the sides of Temari's head, muffling her cries somewhat. Slender fingers gripped blonde pony-tails as her hips began to gyrate in time with the kunoichi's tongue motions. Temari slid a second finger in and flexed them with the rhythm Hinata was establishing for her, massaging the internal bundle of nerves that men could never seem to find.

Hinata thrust her hips forward so hard she almost smothered the other woman as she climaxed again, arching her back and releasing a high-pitched wail that Temari heard despite her thigh-muffs. There was a warm rush of liquid across her fingers closely followed by the erratic spasming of internal muscles. Temari grinned in satisfaction. Score one more for the girls.

Slowly Hinata relaxed again and Temari slid upward to kiss her panting lips. Limp and exhausted it didn't take more than a few seconds for the Hyuuga girl to fall asleep. That was to be expected from one as virginal as the brunette, but Temari was way too worked up to go without. With a sigh she dipped her own hand between her legs. She'd take care of herself this time. There would be plenty of opportunity to teach her new plaything the right way of doing things later.

------------------------------------------------

Hinata slowly woke several hours later, luxuriating in the relaxed state of her body. She hadn't felt this good since…well, since never. As her senses woke she became aware of a warmth against her back and an unfamiliar, musky scent tickling her nose. Then she became aware that she was in an unfamiliar room, that she was wearing no clothes and that there was an arm draped possessively across her waist. She tensed, feeling panic begin to build in her chest, then a warm hand stroked along her stomach and across her leg.

"Relax, Hina-chan," murmured a voice in her ear, the speaker's breath caressing her neck and making her shiver involuntarily. "You're alright. Trust me."

Hinata craned her head to the side and found herself gazing into a pair of blue eyes framed by pale locks of hair. Temari had removed her pony-tails and her hair hung across her face. She was smiling with equal parts smugness and tenderness on her face.

"Oh, T-Temari-san…" she began weakly.

"Hey, don't get all guilty on me now," admonished the other woman lightly. The roaming hand wandered back up her thigh and stomach, then slid between her breasts and up her neck to cup her cheek as Temari leaned in and kissed her gently. Hinata blushed furiously as she realized that she could taste herself on the other woman's lips. But she couldn't deny she had enjoyed herself, and the feeling of Temari pressed against her, touching her so softly and slowly was comforting and intoxicating at the same time.

"I don't want this to be a one-time-only performance," continued the blonde when their lips parted again.

"Oh, n-neither do I," admitted the Hyuuga heir shyly, feeling her cheeks burn. Temari chuckled.

"You're so cute Hinata!" she exclaimed and rolled atop her kissing her again. Hinata let her body respond, thinking that she could do much worse. It wouldn't hurt to have fun like this for a while. And who knew? Maybe they would end up a permanent couple. Or maybe they wouldn't. Only time would tell.


	4. The Fourth Domino Falls

Kiba sighed forlornly. He couldn't believe it. He hadn't slept all night for wondering what would happen between Hinata and Temari, had been sure that Hinata would come to her senses and refute the other woman, or if not that the shy Hyuuga would be distraught from being taken advantage of. Instead, there they were, tall blonde and petite brunette, walking together along the street, talking, laughing, _**holding hands**_!! Why had he hesitated to follow Hinata the day before? If he hadn't, _**he**_ might be the one tenderly clasping those slender fingers. Instead he was leaning against a wall watching them go by, all happy-go-lucky and not even noticing that he existed. Akamaru whined softly in sympathy and pressed his wet nose against his master's cheek.

"I told you," said Kankuro from beside him. The annoying puppet master had sought him out again this morning and waited with him to see what the results of Temari's seduction would be. Kiba was sure the man from the Land of Wind was getting some kind of sick enjoyment out of watching him suffer.

Exhausted from lack of sleep, the dog-nin slip down the wall into a sitting position and rested his forehead on his knees. His only hope now was to that they didn't last for long. Surely they wouldn't. Their personalities were way too different.

"Aw, don't take it so hard, dog-boy," said Kankuro. "Tell you what, lets go get a drink." Kiba shook his head. He didn't want to drink right now, he wanted to curl up and die. Strong hands grasped his upper arms and hauled him to his feet. "Come on you fucking pussy! You call yourself a man? Then don't act like a little girl! Or should I check you for a vagina?"

Kiba hissed in vexation, but his pride had been challenged, so he had no choice but to follow the puppet master to a local pub and settle himself at the bar next to the taller chunin. The next thing he knew he was matching Kankuro shot for shot. And the drink of choice? Jager-bombs, no less. Just what he needed, to be drunk _**and**_ hyper, a trait that would be accentuated by his utter lack of sleep the night before. And why the hell were they getting drunk at ten in the morning?

In no time flat, Kiba's world was spinning merrily and the mixture of sugar, caffeine and poppy-laced liquor had plastered a perma-grin across his tanned face. Even Akamaru was trashed. Kankuro had fed him a few shots and he was sprawled on his back across the bar, paws in the air, tail wagging furiously and barking along to the music that pumped from a jukebox in the corner. Kankuro was telling raunchy jokes, and Kiba thought if he laughed much more he would rupture a kidney.

"…I mean come on, that bitch-boy passed up a fine piece of ass like Haruno!" the puppet master was saying. His current line of comedy concerned the Uchiha heir. "So that's why we should start calling him Sas-_**gay**_!"

"YAHAHAH!!!" Kiba roared with mirth, pounding his fist on the bar. The joke seemed way too funny just then. "No wonder he's such a pretty boy! I wonder how much time he spends in front of the mirror every morning?"

"I wonder if he gives it or takes it?"

"Bet he gives," snorted Kiba. "That bastard's too proud to submit."

"I dunno, think about the last three letters of his name," smirked Kankuro. It took Kiba a moment to figure this one out.

"S…a…s…u…uke…AUUGH!! No way!" Kiba howled, literally sobbing with laughter so violent he tipped over his chair and ended up curled on the floor, holding his aching sides.

"You okay?" laughed Kankuro, bending over to haul him to his feet for the second time that morning.

"No more!" gasped the Inuzuka. "Can't take it!"

"Awright, let's ditch this joint. Where's your place? I'll take you there." So, arm slung over his companion's shoulders he pointed the way to his apartment. Their progress was considerably slowed by Akamaru, who had to stop every few feet to mark something.

"Hey, puppet-dude," said Kiba as they staggered up the street that his home lay on. "Thanks for cheering me up."

"Don't get all sappy on me dog-boy."

"Why'd ya do it anyway?" asked the Inuzuka. "I mean we barely know each other, it's not like we've ever been friends or nothin' ya know?"

"You want the truth?"

"Yeah."

"It's 'cause I wanna fuck ya." A long pause ensued.

"…You serious?"

"Uh-huh."

"Oh." Another long silence. "Okay."

"Is that an 'Okay, I get it,' or an 'Okay, you can fuck me,' Inuzuka?"

"Both I guess," replied the drunk ninja. At that moment, his head spinning and body buzzing from the intoxicants flowing in his veins, it didn't sound like such a bad idea. Kankuro began to chuckle softly. "What's so funny?"

"You have no idea what you just let yourself in for, dog-boy."

They reached the apartment and Kiba managed to find his keys and fumble the door open. As soon as the were in and he had locked the door Kankuro grabbed him and slammed him up against the wall. His mouth crashed down on the dog-nin's, bruising his lips and causing his sharp incisors to cut into his own flesh. He tasted his own blood and the Jagermeister on Kankuro's breath as the other man's tongue forced its way into his mouth. The puppet master's hips ground against his thigh. He already had an erection.

A hand found his hair and pulled his head forcefully to the side, exposing his throat to his assailant. Teeth dug hard into his neck so that he yelped in pain. They eased back and lips and tongue lapped and the now-tender spot. To Kiba own surprise, his body was responding favorably to the violent ministrations. His cock twitched, throbbed, and stood to attention. Kankuro noticed his reaction and deftly unzipped his pants. The fabric pooled on the floor around his ankles. The puppet master's large hand wrapped around his member and began to stroke slowly.

Kiba whimpered and moaned, thrusting into Kankuro's hand as the other man alternately bit and sucked at the same spot on his neck over and over again. His sharp nails dug into his attacker's broad shoulders, drawing thin lines of blood. Kankuro was growling in a feral manner against his throat and Kiba found that extraordinarily sexy. He'd never really thought he might like it rough, but the proof was in the semen. It didn't take long for him to spill his seed into the other man's hand.

He shouted and shuddered, gasping out the other man's name as he came. Kankuro didn't stop what he was doing and before his member had a chance to deflate he was fully hard again. Once he was, Kankuro spun him around so his chest was pressed against the wall and dropped his own pants with one hand, the other still reaching around the Inuzuka to grasp his manhood.

He was given no warning and no preparation before his entrance was forcibly invaded. He hollered in pain as Kankuro slammed into him. He didn't know how big the other man's cock was, but at that moment it felt huge. Kankuro didn't even give him time to adjust before he began thrusting, and the only thing that made it bearable was that he was still fisting Kiba's throbbing shaft.

About then the dog-nin's elevated heart rate caused his stomach to dump the rest of the alcohol he'd consumed into his intestines, from where it entered his blood stream and washed over his brain. This had the two-fold effect of somewhat numbing him so it didn't hurt so much, and making sure that he would remember nothing after that moment the next day.

-------------------------------------

Kiba stirred grudgingly very early the next morning. Pain was calling him, insisting that he wake up. His entire body ached, but his head certainly hurt the worst. He remember what he had been drinking yesterday and groaned. He should have known that combination of liquids would cause the mother of all hang-overs.

"Awake? Finally," said a voice. Kiba rolled over and was momentarily distracted by a new piercing pain, much lower in location than his brain. He winced and stilled, then peeled open his eyes to see who had spoken. Kankuro was sprawled lazily across his armchair, wearing only a pair of boxer-briefs. Memory hit Kiba and he groaned and closed his eyes again.

No wonder he felt like he'd been sodomized by and angry bull. It was fairly close to the truth. He braced himself and sat up. The resulting rush of blood to his head momentarily blinded him with agony.

"Fuck me," he moaned, feeling sick.

"Oh, I did," smirked the puppet master. Kiba glared. "Wanna do it again?"

"Fuck no," replied the dog-nin. He looked around. Akamaru was snoring in the corner and clothes were strewn across the floor. He was still buck-naked of course, a fact he was acutely aware of as Kankuro's eyes raked his exposed body.

"Do you even remember what happened last night?" he asked.

"The first part, I think. Against the wall over by the door," replied Kiba, trying to locate a pair of clean pants. The pair from last night had dried bodily fluid on the leg. With a sigh he gave it up and decided a hot shower was a better idea than clothes.

"That's it? So you don't remember doing it on the floor? Over the back of the couch? Astride this very chair?"

"Oh, my god, four times?" gasped Kiba as he hobbled towards the bathroom.

"Uh-huh. What can I say, you're pretty hot, dog-boy."

"Did I even enjoy any of this?" asked the Inuzuka sarcastically as he turned on the shower.

"Hey don't ask me, but you squirted at least three times, if that's a tip."

"How do I know you're telling the truth?" snorted Kiba as he stepped under the scalding water.

"You don't," replied the smug puppet master. "Hell, I could be lying about fucking you silly for all you know, right?"

"No, that I can believe," replied the dog-nin, wincing again at his sore posterior as he lathered his body with scentless soap. "Did you have to be so rough?"

"You liked it."

"Yeah, I guess. Why are you still here anyhow?"

"Tcha, it would be rude to walk out after a good lay."

"Like you care about being polite!" snorted Kiba.

"I do when I'm hoping for a repeat," replied Kankuro as Kiba stepped out of the shower.

"Dude, not if it leaves me hurting like this every time."

"Quit bitching like a woman and maybe I'll let you be seme next time. Maybe. If you're lucky. Hurry up and get dressed. I'll spring for breakfast. You'll feel better with a little food in your stomach."

"The only problem with that is eventually it has to come out the other end."


	5. Diarrhea of the Brain

I had originally planned for this story to have three more chapters, a TenTenxNeji, a InoxShikamaru, and a ChojixShino (don't ask). Unfortunately I find myself up against the wall. I'm dried up on inspiration for this story just now, so I'm going to call it fin and concentrate on Lorkahn's Children for a while. Maybe if I take a break I can do that which I had originally imagined. In the mean while I leave you with this: A strange bit of psycho imaginings that poured from my finger tips late last night. There weren't enough chunin to make a round number of pairs, so someone had to be left out and that someone ended up being Gaara. Poor lil' sand-nin was left by the wayside!. So what's a possessed redhead to do? I wondered. This is the result of those wonderings. At five in the morning it seemed pretty hilarious. Come to think of it, it still does, a fact that makes me suspect I might be wrong in the head. I call random silliness like this 'Diarrhea of the brain,' hence the chapter title. Enjoy, if you can.

P.S. This isn't anywhere near my usual style.

--------------------------

Gaara: Finishes reading the story "…"

Me: "What, you don't like it?"

Gaara: "I don't get laid in any of your stories. Why am I the only one that's not getting any sex?!"

Me: "That's not true! In 'The Seduction of Shikamaru Nara', you were with Naruto!"

Gaara: "That was only implied. Where's my raunchy sex scene?"

Me: "Hmm, unfortunately there are no more chunin for you to pair with in this story."

Gaara: "I want sex, damn it! And I want it _**now**_!" deathglare

Me: rips off clothes revealing neck-to-toe black lace bodysuit "I can always fill in!"

Gaara: "No thanks. Not my type. Wrong equipment, sister. Give me a male."

Me: dejected sigh "I'll see what I can do…" rummages through character inventory

Jiraiya: pops out of the bushes "Did someone just say they wanted sex with a man?"

Me: "As a matter of fact…"

Gaara: "…No – fucking – way…"

Jiraiya: "What? Why not? I'm in the prime of my sexuality! Come on cutie! I promise I'll lube it up first…" attempts to paw Gaara

Gaara: "Get off me you nasty old pervert! Stop that! Don't touch me there! Put that thing away! ALLRIGHT, YOU ASKED FOR IT!! SAND BURIAL!!"

Jiraiya: "AAUGGH! MY POOR MANHOOD!" sobs, curls up on the ground clutching his damaged parts

Gaara: "I warned you …"

Me: "Ooooo, I bet that stung. Too bad, Jiraiya. Looks like you'll never lose your virginity now."

Jiraiya: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Gaara: "…You're kidding right? That old guy isn't really a virgin is he?"

Me: smirks "Yeah, he is."

Gaara: snickers

Jiraiya: "It's not funny! Just wait 'til you're my age and _**you've**_ never done it! See how you feel!"

Me: "Um, that's impossible. Neither of us are virgins any more."

Jiraiya: "Not fair! How do you guys get laid and I don't?"

Me: "Cause we're hot and sexy!" licks finger, touches hip and makes a hissss sound

Gaara: "That's so cheesy, but I have to agree."

Me: "Actually Jiraiya, there's nothing stopping you from losing your virginity as long as you don't mind taking it instead of giving it. I've heard it can be just as good that way if its done right."

Jiraiya: looks thoughtful "Hmmm, you're right…" smiles at Gaara again "Hey cutie, you wanna do it doggie style?"

Gaara: plants foot in Jiraiya's face "I said no, you pervo freak!"

Me: rummages again "Lessee, what else do we have floating around in here…"

Orochimaru: slithers out of the same bush "What have we here? A little chunin in need of sex?"

Gaara: "…"

Orochimaru: "What's the matter red, cat got your tongue? Speaking of tongues, you'd be amazed at what I can do with mine!" tongue extends out to lick Gaara's face

Gaara: "Ewww…" steps behind me to get away from the roaming tongue "Seriously woman, is this the best you can do?"

Me: "Not your type either?" gets licked by the tongue "Heehee! That tickles!"

Orochimaru: "It can do more that just tickle," leers

Me: "I bet it can," leers back "But seriously, Orochi baby, you're a little on the gaunt side for me. I prefer my men (and women) looking healthy at least. Those jutting hip-bones can be painful…"

Orochimaru: mutters sullenly and sits in the corner with unconscious Jiraiya

Me: "Okay, back to the drawing board." rummages once more

Gai: appears with a sunset backdrop "Are you two kids enjoying the spring of youth?" grins widely showing gleaming white teeth and gives a double thumbs up

Me: "Yes, Gai-sensei!!" sparkles youthfully

Gaara: "In some cultures baring one's teeth like that is a sign of hostility."

Gai: "Since Lee has found the blossom of love with the exquisite Sakura, I'm looking for a new…apprentice. What do you say Gaara? Want the one and only Maito Gai to teach you what he knows?"

Gaara: "Is he referring to training or fucking?"

Me: "Probably both."

Gai: "Of course, you'd have to get a bowl-cut and dye your hair black, start wearing green spandex and…OMG WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYEBROWS!?"

Gaara: "…"

Me: "Um…he doesn't have any…"

Gai: "You poor young man! Who could have inflicted such a mutilation upon you?" sobs into his arm

Gaara: "…I was born this way."

Gai: gasps with astonishment "You poor mutant boy!" pulls out a permanent black marker "Hold still and I'll fix it!" advances on Gaara

Gaara: "The hell you will! And who are you calling a mutant?!" sends a wave of sand crashing down on Gai

Gai: disperses the sand with a casual flick of his arm "Now, don't be frightened. It won't hurt a bit!"

Gaara: "EEEK! SAVE MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!" runs behind me again and clutches my waist in fright

Me: "This could be amusing…"

Gaara: looks horrified "Y – you wouldn't!"

Me: "I might…but you're right. You wouldn't look good with huge black eyebrows." calls upon power as author "Ultimate Author Technique! _**Edit**_! Gai walks to the corner and sits quietly!"

Gai: walks to the corner and sits quietly

Me: "Lets use the marker and doodle on Jiraiya's face!"

Gaara: "Don't get side tracked! I'm still horny here!"

Me: smirks "Yes, I can tell. You're poking me in the thigh."

Gaara: "Ahem…" blushes and steps away

Me: "Hmm, maybe I can get Kakashi to do me a favor…"

Gaara: looks mildly interested "I suppose he wouldn't be too bad, even if he is ten years older than me…"

Me: rummages "Older men have more experience after all," rummages "So they tend to make better lovers on the whole." pauses "Except for the ones like Jiraiya who just wish they had the experience…" continues rummaging

Gaara: "Well, what's taking so long?" taps foot impatiently

Me: "I can't seem to find Kakashi. I'll call his cell, see what he's up to." flips open cell, presses a button -Ring-

Gaara: "You have Kakashi on speed dial?" boggles -Ring-

Me: "Yeah. He's hot, what can I say? Plus he reads Cum Cum Paradise all the time so if I get stuck writing a sex scene he can talk me through it." -Ring-

Gaara: mutters "I bet that's not all he talks you through." -Ring-

Me: grins "Wouldn't you like to know?" -Ring-

Kakashi's Voicemail: 'Hello, you've reached Hatake Kakashi. I'm afraid I can't come to the phone right now. I'm probably busy riding a dolphin. Leave a message after the tone and I'll get back to you, if I feel like it. BEEP."

Me: "Don't wear Iruka out, Kakashi. It's a school night." hangs up the phone

Gaara: "Iruka?"

Me: "Yeah, didn't you know?"

Gaara: "No. If they're a couple why did you try to get Kakashi to pair with me?"

Me: "They're not exclusive. At least, Kakashi isn't. I should know." evil grin

Gaara: "I'm getting sick of this. Your next try had better be a winner or so help me…" sand swirls menacingly around him

Me: "Lessee…Oh! Got it! Secret Author Technique! _**Plot Twist**_!" portal opens and a figure steps through

Zabuza: "You called, mistress?"

Gaara: "Who's this guy?"

Me: "His name is Zabuza."

Gaara: "You want to pair me with him? I guess he'll do."

Me: "Oh, no! He's already paired with Haku. Beside which, they're both dead."

Gaara: considers "I could live with necrophilia…"

Me: "…gross, dude."

Gaara: "Well if he's not going to be my partner, why did you bring him here?"

Me: "Zabuza dear, I have a little sand problem. Take care of it for me."

Zabuza: "As you wish, mistress. Water Dragon Jutsu!" huge dragon made of water rises from a stream hidden behind the bush and crashes down on the scene, soaking everything

Gaara: "Aarg!"

Me: "Thank you Zabuza, that will be all. I shall be sure to reward you with a story featuring you and your beloved Haku."

Zabuza: "I look forward to it, mistress." vanishes in a ghostly white mist

Gaara: "Sand soaked…no defense…" pants with fear

Orochimaru: "No defense, eh? Perfect!"

Gaara: "No…"

Jiraiya: "Get over here and pound my ass!"

Gaara: "Please no…"

Gai: "You will feel the power of my youth!"

Jiraiya: "Don't you mean your cock?"

Gaara: whimpers and backs away

Gai: "That's such a vulgar, un-youthful term, but yeah, basically. But first, you must dress in this!" holds up skin-tight, ass-less green spandex suit

Orochimaru: "I don't care what he wears, as long as I get to shove my tongue up his ass." tongue snakes out and wraps around Gaara's legs, pulling him off his feet and dragging him toward the waiting perverts

Gaara: "Noooo! Help! Please! Don't let them have me!"

Me: thinks hard "Hmmm…maybe…_**if**_ you swear to do whatever I say forever!" diabolical laughter "Muhahaha!"

Gaara: "!!!! You planned this didn't you?!"

Me: "Yup!"

Gaara: "You bitch!"

Me: "You don't want rescue? Okay. He's all yours gentlemen!"

Orochimaru, Jiraiya and Gai: "Yay!"

Gaara: "No wait! I didn't mean it! I'll do w-what ever you say! I swear!"

Me: "I'll hold you to that! Ultimate Author Technique! _**Erase**_!" Jiraiya, Orochimaru and Gai disappear like they never exited. Gaara hauls himself to his feet, shivering from the cold water he's soaked with "Now take off those wet clothes and come here, my pet…" purrs happily

Gaara: "…yes, mistress…"


End file.
